Unspoken Thoughts

Thoughts. At night it feels like an endless, ride on a train going at high speed all around your brain. One thought after another, ones that finish and some midway thinking. Anxiety. It’s a word that defines you. No, you THINK it defines you; and that’s the scary part huh? I think I grew up learning not to be selfish. Now, here me out, I know I was an only child. You’d think I’d be a spoiled brat, and may be I am at times; There hasn’t been a day where I don’t think about my family and friends.. their happiness means so much to me. Feeling like we’re apart of something big.. you know your crew when everything is in sync. My friends have always been there for me, honestly because of the people around me I think I can do anything. Having their support is one of my major motivations. I love my parents but now, I think with how I raised, the pressure they consistently give me in my every day life; since I can remember.. I begin to question myself ‘Can I really do this?’. Disappointment is my biggest fear for them. I’m dead in them middle of Vietnamese and American culture. Now in Asian culture it really did teach me many things, that I still follow to this days; my only frustration is that I may be raised in America, but I seem to not feel comfortable being able to do that with my parents. Mainly my mother.. comparing children, to other children; who’s the most active, the most pose, who love who more, etc.. I feel like two Becca’s are at battle together. Both trying to please, make everyone happy, but herself. Thoughts running wild. You had a slight glance of what goes around my head.